The Nightlings (Pt. 1)
She was in her mom's car; a black 2006 Dodge Avenger. It was a pretty standard sedan. Nothing fancy. It was also in serious need of a wash. They were moving upstate from Blacksburg to Camden. She was staring blankly out the window as they were driving; thinking about her new life in Camden. Her mom's colleague was driving the U-Haul truck behind them.
"You OK, Maya?" she heard her mom ask, waking her from her trance.
"Yeah, I'm fine, mom," replied Maya McKenzie.
Samantha McKenzie had adamantly decided moving upstate with her daughter after she intervened in an argument between Maya and Jason; Maya's now ex-boyfriend. They were moving into a nice little house on the outskirts of town. Camden was chosen so that she could open up her own legal practice to keep an eye out on Maya. Besides that, her ex-husband; Jonathan, lived down the road so he could help keep an eye on her as well. Jonathan had offered Samantha and Maya to move in with him but they declined.
After unloading, Samantha's colleague went to drop the U-Haul off. Jonathan had come over to help with the sorting. They were surprisingly quick and by dinner, had unpacked all their essentials and sorted their furniture. The family had a dark secret but Maya didn't know it. Yet.
Jonathan had already registered Maya at the local high school. Unfortunately, both Samantha and Jonathan would not be around enough to drop and pick up Maya from school so Jonathan agreed to get her a car despite Maya's protests.
"You OK, Maya?" she heard her mom ask, waking her from her trance.
"Yeah, I'm fine, mom," replied Maya McKenzie.
Samantha McKenzie had adamantly decided moving upstate with her daughter after she intervened in an argument between Maya and Jason; Maya's now ex-boyfriend. They were moving into a nice little house on the outskirts of town. Camden was chosen so that she could open up her own legal practice to keep an eye out on Maya. Besides that, her ex-husband; Jonathan, lived down the road so he could help keep an eye on her as well. Jonathan had offered Samantha and Maya to move in with him but they declined.
After unloading, Samantha's colleague went to drop the U-Haul off. Jonathan had come over to help with the sorting. They were surprisingly quick and by dinner, had unpacked all their essentials and sorted their furniture. The family had a dark secret but Maya didn't know it. Yet.
Jonathan had already registered Maya at the local high school. Unfortunately, both Samantha and Jonathan would not be around enough to drop and pick up Maya from school so Jonathan agreed to get her a car despite Maya's protests.
"Can't I just cycle to school?" tried Maya one more time.
"No, Maya, we're not letting you out of our sights. Besides I managed to get you a car, Maya. I haven't bought it yet but it seems like a good deal,"
"I'm going to be the school joke from day one. Perfect," muttered Maya under her breath.
"Can't I at least pick what I want? Let's go to the used car lot and let me pick. Please?"
"Well, I suppose so. Samantha, what do you think?"
"I think that's a great idea. Tomorrow you two go to the nearest lot and pick one. I can't come along. I have some matters to attend to in town,"
"Well, it's settled then. You two better get some sleep. See you tomorrow around noon." and Jonathan left.
Comments
anyway, its a good story,but i can detect some similarities to twilight,
its okay, but dont base your stories upon another's, because i know you can write better and have great ideas, don't be afraid to write them down. that was the first mistake i made, but my English teacher and my mum (yeah that sounds lame i know) told me to let loose... even through i don't write short stories on my blog, i do write them sometimes when i get an idea.
but well done, you're better than me in your writing style.
BTW, is Jonathan living in a separate house to Maya and Samantha?
and i think you should elaborate on the part where she saw the car... like write a description of the car, what she thought of it and why she decided to buy it...
and i hope i did not insult you through out this comment, i know you did not ask for my opinion, but i'm giving it anyway...
which sorta,makes apology pointless. dont you think? :-)